Tell Me About Yourself
by danceswpenguins9
Summary: Oneshot. Lord Voldemort, bored late one night, decides to fill out one of those stupid internet surveys. Pure stupidity.


_**TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey**_

Name:

**I am Lord Voldemort. Bow before me, servant, and I will spare you.**

Birthday:

**December 31****st****, 1926**

Birthplace:

**The steps of a filthy muggle orphanage. Laugh and I will crucio you!**

Current Location:

**Behind you. Mwuahahaha!**

Eye Color:

**They used to be grey. Now they're a sort of blood red and reptilian. Like a snake God. Yet again, bow before me.**

Hair Color:

**I don't have any hair. Hair is a weakness.**

Height:

**Six foot one and a quarter inches. **

Right Handed or Left Handed:

**Does is matter? I could kill you with my mind if I so needed… but I may confess…I tend to favor my left hand…**

Your Heritage:

**Slytherin all the way, baby. Oh, I'm half Irish as well.**

The Shoes You Wore Today:

**The new air jordans. **

Your Weakness:

**I have no weakness! Er…love. Damn.**

Your Fears:

**Eh? I fear nothing, though I distinctly dislike mongooses. And Albus Dumbledore, the fool.**

Your Perfect Pizza:

**I care little for most of the food I consume, though Nagini devours pepperoni pizza.**

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:

**Conquer the world and have supreme power over every living being and creature, and overcome my inferiority complex. I may be an unloved, misunderstood half blood, but I will prove to the world I am a deity to be feared and respected!**

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:

**Chyeah, aktb! Avada kedrava those bitches!**

Thoughts First Waking Up:

"**Is my skin still nasty? Has my nose grown back yet? Where's my muffin?"**

Your Best Physical Feature:

**Well… I'm not a very good judge of such inane things as beauty…I have rather fine kneecaps, though? …Bah, I was more attractive in my youth, if you must know.**

Your Bedtime:

**Around nine o'clock.**

Your Most Missed Memory:

**Murdering my father and poking him with my wand, giggling gleefully like a young school girl.**

Pepsi or Coke:

**Hm… Pepsi.**

MacDonalds or Burger King:

**Nagini prefers the golden arches. I'm inclined to agree with her.**

Single or Group Dates:

**Single.**

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:

**Oh, either or.**

Chocolate or Vanilla:

**Chocolate, definitely.**

Cappuccino or Coffee:

**Cappuccino, I suppose.**

Do you Smoke:

**No.**

Do you Swear:

**Often.**

Do you Sing:

**Never.**

Do you Shower Daily: **Yes. Good hygiene is important.**

Have you Been in Love:

**Psssh! As if. **

Do you want to go to College:

**What? I am the most intelligent wizard, the most powerful wizard, to have ruled the wizarding world! What need I with such fruitless experiences?**

Do you want to get Married:

**Why?**

Do you believe in yourself:

**Undoubtedly. **

Do you get Motion Sickness:

**Yes. I abhor riding broomsticks for that reason.**

Do you think you are Attractive:

**I believe I am the very incarnation of evil. Is evil attractive to you?**

Are you a Health Freak:

**Ah, moderately yes…**

Do you get along with your Parents:

**Damn mudblood filth! How dare he simply abandon me in an orphanage, like a worthless waste! And don't even bring up my pathetic, weak excuse for a mother… (Grabs tissue) "Where's Wormtail? CRUCIO!"**

Do you like Thunderstorms:

**I suppose.**

Do you play an Instrument:

**The flute. **

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:

**Of course not. **

In the past month have you Smoked:

**No.**

In the past month have you been on Drugs:

**Yes.**

In the past month have you gone on a Date:

**I…what? Does Nagini count? She's female.**

In the past month have you gone to a Mall:

**Yes. I visited Build a Bear and then I set it on fire and locked all the little muggles inside. It was delightful. **

In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:

**No.**

In the past month have you eaten Sushi:

**Eugh.**

In the past month have you been on Stage:

**In one way or another, yes.**

In the past month have you been Dumped:

**(smirks) no.**

In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:

**Er….**

In the past month have you Stolen Anything:

**Ah, yes, plenty. I have a habit of acquiring wands, their owner's won't be needing them anymore, seeing as they're… dead. Hee hee.**

Ever been Drunk:

**Yes.**

Ever been called a Tease:

**Well…I suppose. It was in fifth year, honestly, it hardly counts!**

Ever been Beaten up:

**Of course not! Crucio!**

Ever Shoplifted:

**No. If I wanted something that bad, I'd simply demand it.**

How do you want to Die:

**I SHALL NEVER DIE. I am immortal. Lord Voldemort will exists always in the minds of man, the nightmares of wizard kind, the shivering and crying of young frightened children… Death will even fear me, for I will not submit. Is that a cookie? "Wormtail, bring me the cookie."**

What do you want to be when you Grow Up:

**Dark Lord.**

What country would you most like to Visit:

**Albania, such delightful dark arts there. **

_**In a Boy/Girl..**_

Favourite Eye Color:

**Um… green?**

Favourite Hair Color:

**Black.**

Short or Long Hair:

**Medium, a bit messy.**

Height:

**Of no consequence.**

Weight:

Best Clothing Style:

**Ah. Crucio whoever created this meaningless survey.**

Number of Drugs I have taken:

**3.**

Number of CDs I own:

**CDs?**

Number of Piercings:

**Four.**

Number of Tattoos:

**One. (winks) I won't tell you where it is.**

Number of things in my Past I Regret:

**Three: **

**1. Choosing Harry Potter to attempt to kill over Neville Longbottom.**

**2. Ever listening to a damn psychic in the first place. **

**3. Picking several important, glaringly obvious items as horcruxes. Should have gone with something less noticeable, I knew it…**


End file.
